Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
