I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
