I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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