But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
