I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
