i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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