My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
