are you so shy because you have an std?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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