i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
