Will you blow on my dice?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
