You smell like a Billy Joel song
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
