Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He has the fingertips of a God
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