Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
