broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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