just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
