Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
