i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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