I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
