I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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