brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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