I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
