I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Dignity is for republicans.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
