Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
