i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
