Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
