Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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