I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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