You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
