you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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