Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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