alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
