hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
