i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
