I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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