just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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