I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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