I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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