I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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