I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
