Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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