Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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