So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Randomize
