So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
