My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
