now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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