respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
