Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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