The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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