Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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