I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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