She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
