Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We need to get me chipped asap
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
