Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
