Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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