nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
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