Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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