Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
