Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
